A Figure in Action. Some Incident with "Nancy Pearl"

The following interview was done with the library action figure "Nancy Pearl". It is a work of fiction and meant to be fun. We know there is a real person Nancy Pearl, who wrote books on Book Lust but this little piece is strictly focused on an action figure accompanied by some books we came across this spring.
Any contingently resemblance to any real or fictional person is not intentional. We just play around because that is what action figures are made for.

Hello Nancy, it is such a pleasure to meet you, we just can't tell..!

I wished I could say the same...

Thank you Nancy. You're not too much into interviews, aren't you?

Frankly: NO! This is just because I spend the whole day abandoned in this dusty place with all the stuff no one really cares about...

You mean "a drawer"?

No. I'm talking about "closed stacks".

Alright, we see. So it must feel pretty much like a release to end up finally under the wide open sky out here in the Swedish countryside.

If you wouldn't have just grabbed me, stuffed me head over heels in some bag, took me to this place and ignored my free will, trampled my personal integrity it might ...at least my skirt did not slip...

Because you and you're skirt are the same plastic casting...

No, it's not true..

Just skip it. You're a librarian, right?

Shhhh!

Yes: You are! You're shhhhhing like a waterfall running down a romantic valley deep in Montana...

It's supposed to sound rattlesnaky!

Oh... so you're a librarian..

Currently I'm working as a librarian-role-model. You can call me a meta-librarian.

Isn't it hard to work as a role-model? You have to embody any single stereotype related to the librarian's profession that ever was there, is there and will be there. What a Herculean task!

Not for me. I do it offhand like nothing. I'm just made to be like that.

Is this why some people call you "jolly poppet"?

Holy Rocket!

"Folly socket?" ... I guess I did not get this right...

I hope so.

Now what is the first thing you notice in a person?

Whether the person is male or female.

That's correct!

Yes, I know.

Next question: "Everywhere you go you always take the bookstacks with you" to misquote Crowded House..

Librarians know to handle crowded houses. But since there are all the Internet-Kids out there they - thank god - do not have to anymore. Now they can get back to their real passion: the lust for books.

...which you obviously enjoy alot! I can see it literally written all over your face. But what's down there at your belly..

I'm glad you're asking this question: it's my very special SASH SASH!

But I read L I B R E A S. Isn't it this world famous electronic journal on library and information science which really boom, boom shakes the room?

No, you mean LIBRES! LIBREAS is just an epigonic venture to LIBRES. However I enjoy wearing this sash. It is so... well ... sashhhhhy...

I thought libreastic...

Shhhh... Don't you interrupt a mature lady talking about sophisticated apparel, please!
I decided to represent this product because I'm convinced of its qualities and I proudly consume it everyday and I did not memorise this sentence for hours because I was forced to.

Great. Now as it is already getting dark we might take a last glimpse from the book eye, sorry I mean bird's eye perspective..

Oh, again the lust for books... you seem to be so devoted. How can you balance it?

Like we said back in LIS-School in the 60s: A question of lust is a question of trust. And trust is what you need when you lend books and other media.

Have you seen "The Girl with a Pearl's earring?"

No, but if I do this impertinent thieverish person will be in serious trouble.

But it's a movie! Anyway, you seem to be an extraordinary well read person. Can you recommend some must-read-titles to us?

This is a very good question you ask because especially in a large book collection you easily get blinded by the write. We have this saying "Never book a judge by his cover!" But of course there are some titles I just can't get off my head.

So which title would you put on top of all of them?

let's see:

Oh no - the Book Lust again... Is it the book lust for power that drives you?

My dear book lusty friend Martin Luther put it all in this book lustrous quotation: 'A book is like a mirror -- if an ape looks in, no saint will look out!' ...

Means..?

If you're just a book lush you'll never get through to the book lusciousness of the book.

Pardon?

Oh I see I'm casting Pearl's pearls of wisdom before the swine..

Excuse me, but this is not very sweet, Bunny Watson.

So you're in the mood for something sweet...

... I will give you something sweet, darling...you binary midget...
Here you have a librarian-in-charge with the best performance indicators..

At this point we had to break off and fled like it was a day after tomorrow. We were in real danger. But somehow poor Nancy did not watch her step and stumbled over Canetti's story...

The rest shall be forgotten resp. got actively discarded from our memory.